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I went to a get together where the hosts live in a Manhattan Condo which includes a rooftop deck with gorgeous views of Central Park and the Manhattan skyline. No the rooftop deck was not part of a common area. It was their own personal private area. I was in awe and a little bit jealous. The envy was quick in passing as I don’t really know the hosts that well. But, I have to admit that sometimes when friends who are my age have luxurious cars, fancy tech gadgets, beautiful residences I do get a little envious. I think it’s natural to compare yourself to your peers. It is also okay to feel a little jealous of what others have, but here are a few ways that might hopefully help you out when you’re feeling a little financial envy.
Debt-fueled Materials
This one is easy. If I know someone went into credit card debt or spent beyond their means to buy a car, house, or other material things I do not feel any jealousy. I do not envy debt nor do I aspire to be like them. I actually wish they would start reading personal finance blogs!
Well this is not the case with many friends that I have. Many of them are very successful and doing well for themselves. They are living within their means, but can still afford many of life’s luxuries.
Motivation
Channel your jealousy into motivation. Maybe seeing others who are successful financially will inspire you to work harder and smarter in your career or to pursue a different career. Maybe you will decide to acquire new skills. Or perhaps work on side hustles to earn more money.
Your Goals
As for me, there are things that I could afford but I choose not to because I’m hoping to become financially independent or have savings goals that I want to reach. No, I wouldn’t be able to purchase a place with Manhattan views even if I wanted to but I could buy a luxury car or fancy tech gadgets. I choose not to. Remind yourself why you’re foregoing unnecessary spending.
Indulge Sometimes
To prevent envy, it’s okay to splurge on something that you really want to if it’s in your budget and you can afford it. Without indulging once in a while, you might just give up frugality all together.
The Grass is Always Greener
You may think that you know your friends’ or co-workers’ financial situation, but there are surely things that you do not know of their personal circumstances. One of my friends who has a nice car and nice place is doing well financially. However, his wife is not happy with her job and would like to either leave for a less stressful position or stay home to take care of the kids. They are stuck in the two-income trap as they can afford their lifestyle currently, but would not be able to if they were to reduce their income.
Be Grateful for What you Have
Focus on all the things that you do have rather than paying attention to the material things that others have. I have a loving wife and an adorable baby boy. I have great friends and family. I have a stable job and a good career. I am very lucky and have nothing to complain about.
That evening when my wife and I returned from the get-together at the rooftop deck with Manhattan views, we sat out on our cozy (tiny) balcony. She had cut up some fresh and cold watermelon to eat on the warm summer day. The breeze on the balcony was nice and cool though. We chatted and then read our books outside. Life is good.
What do you do when you feel envious of others?
Taking inspiration and limiting it to motivation will only help and not to compare or be jealous, Good post !! Many a times i have heard bloggers comparing themselves with other Big blogs and I tell the same, get inspired and be motivated don’t compare
Sam Gill @ Digital Spikes recently posted…What to look for in a credit card : How to choose credit card
Thanks Sam. It is much better to channel your energy into something positive.
Usually I remind myself of my past consumerism and how the joy of new purchases faded quickly after they were made. There’s always some worry or burden that comes with those luxury consumer purchases. The expense, the upkeep, the depreciation, the fact that there is always something better out there taunting you to spend more. I find I’m better off keeping it simple.
GamingYourFinances recently posted…Our fun and frugal weekend!
You’re right, a lot times the excitement of a new purchase usually is during the anticipation of getting it and using it in the beginning. The joy really does fade pretty quickly.
I’ve got a big competitive streak, so my jealousy is easily channeled into motivation. We all get financial envy sometimes, but it’s easy to deal with if you know how.
Daisy @ Prairie Eco Thrifter recently posted…6 Steps for Creating a More Successful Career
Good for you Daisy. That’s great that you can do that!
Andrew, this post brought tears to my eyes. You are right on the mark here. Often times we wish for more and better “stuff”, but when it all comes down to it, it’s about being grateful for what you have. Family, friends, that’s the truly important stuff. Awesome post, my friend.
Laurie @thefrugalfarmer recently posted…Stockpiling Basics: How to Stockpile on a Budget
Wow, thank you so much Laurie. I made my wife read this post and she was moved too =) It is really a great perspective to have. The material stuff is nothing compared to the truly important stuff!
I can definitely relate and I think all of your points are spot on. It’s not always easy but I think reminding yourself of your goals, the things that really make you happy, and why you’ve crafted the life you have are all important. I think you’re point about not knowing all the details behind other people’s lives is a great one too. That nice thing they have might make them really happy, or it might not. As you say, the grass is not always greener.
Matt Becker recently posted…Why Do You Have to Beat the Market?
You’re right, it’s not always easy. But if you truly believe in your goals and understand what really is important in life…and remind yourself of it…it definitely helps!
I especially like your point on gratitude. Being thankful for the good things you do have makes the longing for those things you don’t fade pretty quickly. Why be greedy when you have so much already?
Done by Forty recently posted…Use Your Tax Dollars
That’s a great perspective to have! It’s good to be thankful for all that we have.
This is a great post. I sometimes feel jealous when friends seem to be achieving their financial goals sooner than we are (“how did they afford an expensive house on a single, non-stable income???”). But like you said, we rarely know all the details. They may be paying hundreds in PMI or may have had help from parents.
Love your tip on being grateful for what we have. We’re able to pay our bills on time and put money into savings. That, in itself, is something to be thankful for!
BTW, congrats on the birth of your son! How exciting for your family!!! I hope his first few days at home are less dramatic than his arrival!
Thanks! Yes, you definitely do not know people’s full financial circumstances. And it is true that many people are lucky to have parents who can help them out financially.
And thanks for the congrats! It has definitely been much more drama free the last few days.
I’m a big fan of the theory that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. When thinking about life in these terms, I don’t get jealous, I actually want to spend more time with these people becuase success begets success. Much like the motivation you mention above.
Pension Retirement recently posted…How to Live Well When You Grow Old
That’s a good mindset. I do agree with that theory as well. When you spend time with successful people, you are more likely to learn their traits or become motivated to be more successful.
Seeing others succeed just makes me want to succeed that much more. Instead of being jealous, I try to learn from them.
Holly@ClubThrifty recently posted…My $508 Garage Sale: An In-Depth Analysis
That’s true and more productive way of looking at it. Though sometimes it’s harder when their success is not from hardwork, but just luck of the draw or help from family.
I think the biggest thing is not being aware of other peoples situations. I have a coworker who is a bit above me, seven years older, and always seems to dress so nicely, leases a brand new car, and goes on expensive diets every few months while eating out three days out of five. I always wondered how she could afford it as she also has student loans, though she is at least still living with her parents. The other day she made a comment that she was close to broke and wouldn’t have been able to afford whatever we were talking about. Just puts things into perspective! You never know who is living paycheck to paycheck.
I could also probably afford a new car, but my priorities are elsewhere right now. It does suck when jealousy creeps up, but we just have to remember we are doing what’s right for us, and hopefully in a few years that will make all the difference in putting us ahead of the game.
E.M. recently posted…Frugal Birthday and “Unexpected” Expenses
Definitely true, just because some people have fancy things doesn’t mean they are doing well financially. Just remind yourself of your priorities and that you’re doing what’s right for you. I assure you it will make a difference in putting you ahead of the game. It is alot harder to have that mindset when you’re younger. I didn’t really see the fruits of my frugality until after a couple of years. Glad to hear you have your priorities right at such so early on.
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I know I have been there with you Andrew! Its human nature to get a little jealous if not a little upset. But a long time ago I decided that I would use it as motivation. I don’t know what the person is doing or had to sacrifice to get those things they have. When I was in banking I saw fancy cars and high end clothing but I also so bank accounts. Some of the ones with the most had the least in terms of actual dollars and many were in the negative.
Get the things in life that you truly want and enjoy. Treat yourself once awhile and make sure you are enjoying life but living for tomorrow. I have a client that was the happiest go lucky lady I ever met. I miss judged her because she always was in my office just talking and clipping coupons. Never fancy dressed and drove a honda accord. She was worth 17million in cash alone.
Its not always greener on the other side and you never know if people have a bunch of debt, personal issues, or if they work their butts off to get to where they are.
Thomas | Your Daily Finance recently posted…The Liebster Award – Being Nominated For Three
Thanks for sharing your personal experience. I definitely think that this is the case more often than not. The ones with fancy cars and high end clothing may not necessarily have more money than the ones who are clipping coupons and driving a Honda Accord. This was pretty much Thomas Stanley’s premise in his book The Millionaire Next Door.
Bottom line, comparing what you have to what others have is a bad idea. I think your tips are definitely helpful. Keep focused on your own financial goals and remember what is truly important.
Greg @ Thriftgenuity.com recently posted…Friday Reflection – July 19, 2013
Thanks Greg. That pretty sums it up.
Using your envy as motivation is a really nice idea. While I do feel jealousy over some material things, a lot of my envy comes from feeling as though someone else is more creative than I am, has a more successful garden, or is making it in a one-income family. My dream life would be staying home with my children, growing our own food, having a mini farm with chickens and goats, and being able to work jobs we love.
While I definitely would love a new car, I usually can shake off the feeling by realizing that mine is almost paid off and seeing what else I could spend $300-$400 per month on! (Because if I’m going to waste time wanting things I can’t have, I might as well go big! Ha ha.)
Alexandra @ Real Simple Finances recently posted…Yakezie, and Closing Report: July 15-21
Having a paid off car and not have to make that monthly payment definitely is a good motivation to stay on the financial path you’re on. Sounds like a cool dream life…I’m sure you can make it a reality!
I have to say I’m a little competitive but it I never go about the it the wrong way by trying to compete with my friends. Often I really think logically if it’s possible to attain whatever my friends have, and if it’s within my means or abilities. It never makes sense to overextend myself just so I have a new car (I definitely can’t afford that right now), buy really expensive clothes or have a brand new phone. There are certain things that I would rather focus on, like achieving my goals I’ve set for myself or improving myself as a person. All of those other things are simply material.
Lauren @ Cheapstudents.ca recently posted…Students, Bloomberg Is Here to Help
So very true! It’s so much better to focus on achieving your goals and improving yourself as a person rather than focusing and wasting money of material things like expensive clothes, cars and tech gadgets.
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You see this happen all the time. You are in a situation with other people and someone mentions his nice vacation plans. What is the first thing that pops into your head? Are you genuinely happy for him or do you automatically think about how much he’s spending (that includes jealous thoughts of the “he must be making more money than me” kind). You know what I mean
Yea, it’s a natural reaction though. I think it’s possible to be happy for that person and to feel a little jealous that you don’t have that for yourself.
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