Who am I to be writing tips about public speaking? I surely am not a ToastMaster champion nor do I have to speak in public for work. I did give a Best Man’s toast this past weekend in front of 300 people and many people I didn’t know came up to me throughout the wedding, telling me how great the speech was. “I’ve heard many speeches at weddings, and that was one of the best.” Wow, what an ego boost! I’ve also given a toast at another wedding, which also received similar acclaim. This surely does not qualify me as an expert, but I feel like I may have a different perspective than an expert. I am an introvert who is deathly afraid of public speaking, yet I did great. You don’t have to be a great public speaker to make a great speech. Public speaking is one of people’s biggest fears in life is public speaking…right next to DEATH…so hopefully I can share what I’ve learned and make others more at ease when it is time for them to speak in public.
Content:
It helps to have interesting material to work with. Whatever it is you are speaking about, you have to make it interesting and entertaining. But how?
Know Your Audience- What kind of speech is it? What do people want to hear about? Usually there is a general format as to what you will be saying. What would the audience like to learn? At a wedding, the audience wants to hear about the bride and groom. A best man and maid of honor should know them better than many of the guests, so share some insights into the two people. Don’t be afraid to use humor to break the ice with your audience. Of course, make sure that it is appropriate. Self-deprecating humor often works.
I attended a 9/11 Memorial for a fallen colleague who worked at the clean up site and developed a terminal illness as a result. The speeches given by most were very touching. One person spoke about the solemnity of a recent trip to the 9/11 memorial and then spoke about how the colleague was a hero, sharing stories about him as a person. Another person came to speak, and the speech was a rambling mess about terrorism. Clearly, the focus of her speech should have revolved around the passing of this hero. We did not need to be reminded about or lectured as to the barbarism of terrorism.
Structure- People generally don’t have a long attention span, so keep the speech short and simple. Have a clear structure that flows, which makes it easier to follow. Using the wedding toast example, I’ve heard many speeches where the speaker just tells a mish mash of personal stories about the bride and groom without an overall theme.
Tell a Story- Generally, when I hear people speak, I often find the narrative or story structure to be very engaging. People like to hear a story. They don’t want bullet points. Paint a picture with your words to illustrate your point. With the touching 9/11 memorial speech I heard, the speaker painted a picture of how the 9/11 memorial looks, describing the water cascading into an endless fountain and the names of the victims carved in bronze. He also related a story about visiting the fallen hero at the hospital and his bravery in the face of death.
Preparation:
A few people have said that they just “wing it” when they go up to speak. Well, that might work for some, but I’d probably freeze in front of a big group of people if I didn’t come prepared. After coming up with the content and structure of the speech, I practiced my speech during my car ride to and from work and in the shower. I also asked my wife to listen to it. It’s good to have a second opinion. Preparation helps reduce your fear of public speaking. I was nervous, but everyone gets nervous speaking in front of a lot of people. Even some experienced and seasoned speakers get a little nervous, but that’s okay. It’s normal. Just know that you’re well prepared, so don’t worry. Try to have your speech memorized or use note cards to refresh your memory. No one wants to hear you read from a sheet of paper.
During the Speech:
Act Confident- I didn’t say “Be Confident” because I hate that advice. How am I supposed to be confident? Do I flip a switch? You act confident by presenting yourself in a confident manner. Smile. Stand up straight. Scan the room. Speak up. The worst wedding speech I heard was from a terrified bridesmaid. It had nothing to do with the content of her speech. She was so terrified of public speaking that she started off saying how nervous she was (don’t do that), and she proceeded to speak so softly that no one could hear her. She also looked directly at the bride throughout her speech as if they were the only two in the conversation. I’m sure it was a very touching speech, but no one could hear it, and sadly some started talking amongst themselves.
Take it Slow- You need to pause briefly during certain parts to let your audience laugh or to let them ponder what was just said. It also allows you to breathe. Moreover, if you talk too fast and you are not enunciating your words, it can be difficult to understand what you’re saying.
Body Language- Use facial expressions. Use hand gestures.
Almost everyone will have to make a speech or presentation in their lifetime. Actually, being able to speak and communicate effectively is one of the most important skills that one can have. I’ve considered joining Toastmasters International where you can practice public speaking in a no-pressure and supportive atmosphere.
What has your experience with public speaking been like? What tips would you give you someone who dreads speaking in public?
I’m fine with public speaking when I’m prepared with what to say. What gets me nervous and flustered are the questions, ie. things I can’t control.
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That’s good Connie. It is something I want to work on and improve. Not that I will have a lot of opportunities but it is definitely a good skill to have. And I agree with you, I’m not that great with questions because I like to have time to prepare and think about them before answering.
Nice tips. After writing a nice speech, how do you get over the stage fright? That”s a big problem too.
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I don’t know if you ever really get over it, but if you’re prepared you just gotta relax and know that you’ll do fine. Try some relaxation or breathing techniques. Also, once I got up there, I was kind of in the zone and wasn’t really thinking about all the eyes on me. Plus, most of the time, the audience is rooting for you. They want you to make a good speech. They’re not out to get you!
“I am an introvert who is deathly afraid of public speaking.” This describes me as well. I’ve had to do a fair amount of public speaking over the years (especially in business grad school) and I still dread it. All that practice and repetition hasn’t made it any easier. I agree that preparation is key, but even then I still blank out so often when I’m actually up there. I just see all the staring faces and my mind starts to wander and focus on how I’m being perceived. Plus, I realize I’m saying “uhm” way too much and that unnerves me.
I did make a well received best man’s speech at my brother’s wedding though. It didn’t change the fact that I was so nervous leading up to it that I didn’t eat anything!
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Haha, same with me, I didn’t eat much before the speech. And this was a dry wedding, so I couldn’t drink to loosen up, though I’m not sure that would be helpful. I probably wouldn’t be able to focus much.
I’m one of those people that actually enjoys public speaking but I’m not very good at it naturally. I have to practice it over and over and really work to slow myself down up there, but I always have a blast.
The downside is that being an introvert, I’m exhausted for about three days afterward. It’s like running a marathon for me!
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I got a high from making the speech, but I was definitely a little nervous before hand. It is mentally exhausting. I’d really like to do more and improve on it.
Good tips! Maybe introverts are better speech-givers because they have to put more effort into it; winging it definitely doesn’t work for everyone. I’ve never really had to do a public speech, but I used to love acting. I am also very shy, and all my teachers knew this. When they saw me up on the stage they constantly remarked how they thought they were mistaken – it couldn’t have been me up there! It was amusing, but I also think it’s partially because when acting, you’re not yourself, so it’s okay.
I do think humorous toasts are the best kinds, with a touch of sentimentalism sprinkled in. When my cousins got married, actually, my “cousin-in-law” was crying as he said his vows. We were all in tears after that! It was so cute. Later on, his mom continued the trend and gave such a sweet speech. I also like when speeches are delivered from the heart, rather than read off a card like you’re narrating a book.
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I think acting skills and public speaking skills have a good correlation. When you’re up there making a speech, while you want to be yourself, you can try and act like a great orator. I agree that the humorous toasts with a touch of sentimentalism are the best. I try to sprinkle in both aspects in my toasts. And I definitely like telling a story or having a theme rather than just random stories which is why winging it is usually not the best way to go.
One piece of advice that I would add is to be totally wrapped up in whatever you are saying. Let your passion for the subject flow through. If you think about too many things while you are speaking, you can get tripped up. Just be totally in the moment and people will respond.
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Great advice. The best speeches are when people are passionate about the topic. Otherwise you have someone speaking in a monotone voice going through the motions just to finish the speech. Then there are the nervous speakers who don’t show their passion because their nerves hide the passion.
I hate public speaking. But I try to know my speech before and then do without notes or anything, or that would make me even more nervous. The authenticity of it works to forgive mistakes.
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I had notes with me as a safety net, but I never needed them. I’m the opposite…it would make me nervous if I didn’t have it…just in case.
When I have to give a speech I look right above the audience’s head. It calms my nerves and makes it seem like I am making eye contact with the audience.
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Same with me…I scan the room and it looks like I’m making eye contact but the audience is just a blur of people.
Great tips. We all have to make speeches at some point, so why not learn how? I don’t mind making speeches. I always prepare, make them short and add a bit of humor (unless it’s a serious speech) and they tend to go well.
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Short and sweet is good. Most people don’t have the attention span to listen that long. If it’s a presentation which requires a longer and more detailed speech, then try to break it up with maybe a demonstration, video or powerpoint.
I don’t have a ton of experience with public speaking, but I think the preparation part is key. The best speeches are those that have been practiced so many times that they feel like they’re being made up in the moment. That’s really the best of both worlds, where you’re fully prepared and know exactly what you want to say but you aren’t just standing there reading from a piece of paper.
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That’s true. I told the people who complimented me that I was nervous but they said it didn’t show and that it was in the moment. Preparation is definitely the key. Even though I still had some nerves, in the back of my mind, I knew I had it down and that I’d be fine.
I have to give a best man speech in February and have been procrastinating. I’m really nervous about it. Thanks for the tips of thinking about structure & creating a narrative…that’s something I likely wouldn’t have given enough thought towards.
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Good luck with the speech in February. I’m sure you’ll do fine. Best man speeches kind of have a template, though you can change it up. You talk about how you know the groom or how you met, maybe throw in a funny story, talk about how the couple met, compliment the bride, and conclude with well wishes or something of the sort.
Great post 🙂
I have spoken at Sociological conferences back in the day and while I had notes with me, I hardly used them. As long as you know your stuff, let it flow!
One weird thing, and I don’t know if you experienced this, but when I was at the podium, I literally felt myself leaving my body and was looking down at myself. My outer body was listening to what i was saying and I was giving myself pointers. Weird eh? But true!
Also, I would also add that it is important to be so comfortable that you can totally make a detour and come back without missing a beat.
As an example, I was at a lecture one year and Gloria Steinem was speaking. As she was talking about something, a baby started crying. The mother immediately rose from her eat to bring the baby out of the auditorium. Gloria gently scolded her and asked her to sit back down. She then talked about how beautiful a baby’s cry is and that compared to the noise pollution outside, the cry of a baby was like a song. The audience applauded, the baby kept on crying, and Gloria got right back into her original discourse. An amazing moment for me and everyone else.
Thanks again for a great read and take care. All the best.
Lyle
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I think I know what you mean about the outer body experience. I’m not sure how to describe it but I was in a zone, and with my preparation, it’s like I was on autopilot and something just took over. Great example about taking a detour. It is great when a speaker is not disrupted by an interruption and can improvise and go on a bit of a tangent. That is probably a sign the person is a very good public speaker.
As a guy who’s given thousands of public speeches, I’ll say that you nailed it! …and great speech-givers never “wing it.” Too many times something can go wrong. It’s always better to have a plan.
The only remark that I have that could improve your tips is just to present them in the opposite order. Most people react to your confidence, gestures, and pace than what you really say. Over 70% of a great speech is non-verbal.
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Thanks. Wow Joe, you must be a pro. I think you make a good point. I think a good public speaker can make a dull topic more interesting while a poor public speaker can make a fascinating topic dull. Although for me, as someone who is less skilled in public speaking, I think having good and interesting material makes me more confident during my speech.
Eeek! I’ve had some public speaking experiences in my last job that I would rather forget! But everyone will probably have to do at least one in their lifetime whether it’s a wedding or birthday party or at work. I got slightly better over time through practice but it’s the kind of thing that doesn’t come naturally to me. My tip would be to meet the eyes of just a few people in the audience and if it all gets too much, imagine your audience without clothes! (Sorry!)
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I’m sure with practice, you did much better. I’ve heard people say to imagine your audience without clothes! But that seems too distracting for me! haha. Actually the audience was kind of a blur to me and while I looked into the audience, they just looked a big group of people.
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I was always terrified of speaking in public, but oddly I nearly always found it amazingly enjoyable once I was up there and I got over my initial nerves. This sentence, “Take it Slow- You need to pause briefly during certain parts to let your audience laugh…” describes my exact strategy! This of course doesn’t work in all settings, but I always found it easier once there was that one initial laugh and I could calm down. Otherwise I could hear myself droning on and on and for some reason I wouldn’t lose my initial nervousness…
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Good point. I think I start talking too fast when I get nervous and I need to slow down and pace myself. Same thing for me…when I hear a positive response from the audience, it definitely does help calm the nerves.
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