“Are these things really better than the things I already have? Or am I just trained to be dissatisfied with what I have now?”
Chuck Palahniuk, Lullaby (also the author of Fight Club)
It’s that time of year again. You know. Black Friday. The day that epitomizes consumer excesses. It’s odd that on Thursday, Thanksgiving, we reflect on what we are grateful for. We’re grateful for our family, our friends, the Thanksgiving feast we’re about to eat. But then on Friday, err, I mean Thursday evening, we ditch our friends and family on Thanksgiving to immediately wait on line to buy big screen TVs, tablets, clothes, or whatever it is that we apparently need. I thought we were grateful for all that we have, so why the need to do a 180 and buy things that we probably already have. Is more better?
As explained so eloquently by the little girl in this AT&T commercial: “We want more we want more, like, we really like it, we want more”
But ask yourself. Do you really need a television in every room? Do you need another outfit that you’ll probably only wear once? Do you really need to upgrade to a newer generation iPhone when your older iPhone has essentially the same capabilities and features?
Buying things often doesn’t serve a functional purpose. We buy food because we’re hungry and we need to eat. We buy a GPS navigation system so we don’t get lost. Now, it seems consumers buy things just for the sake of buying things, or buying things that serve no real purpose.
Excessive consumerism is like a drug. Sure there is a bit of a high when you get that brand new iPad or flat screen T.V. But that high usually wears off as it is just temporary. You’ll eventually have to go shopping again to attain that high. You end up in a vicious cycle of buying and spending. You may think that buying more things will make you happier, but that rarely happens. Money doesn’t buy happiness and buying stuff with money doesn’t make you happier. Marketing and ad agencies have spent millions if not billions of dollars trying to convince us otherwise.
“I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest, to make money they don’t want, to buy things they don’t need, to impress people they don’t like.”
― Emile Gauvreau
I read an interesting interview with Tim Kasser, a professor and chair of Psychology at Knox College in Illinois, regarding consumerism and values. Through Kasser’s research, he found that people who cared more about goals for money and possessions were less happy. He explained that people have two types of goals: “extrinsic” (materialistic goals) and “intrinsic” goals.
Extrinsic Goals
Extrinsic goals involve trying to make a lot of money so they can have lots of fancy possessions. These possessions, they believe, give them the type of image they want to be popular and seen as high status. These are “extrinsic goals” as the focus is on an external rewards and other people’s opinions of you. This seems to happen to many people trying to keep up with the Joneses.
Intrinsic Goals
On the other hand, intrinsic goals involve such things as personal growth, accepting yourself, having close relationships with family and friends, and contributing to the community. These are “intrinsic goals” as they satisfy inherent psychological needs that psychological theories suggest all people have.
Everyone has both extrinsic and intrinsic goals. Kasser’s studies reveal that the more people prioritize the intrinsic goals relative to the extrinsic goals, they were more happy, satisfied with their lives and felt more alive and experienced pleasant emotions during their day-to-day lives. They are also less likely to suffer from depression and anxiety, and less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol.
While the extrinsic goals are not as healthy as the intrinsic goals, it is human nature to want others to accept you. It is fine to want material possessions sometimes, as long as those extrinsic goals don’t overtake your intrinsic goals. So for this Thanksgiving, be grateful for all the things you already have, and instead of jumping immediately to acquire more material possessions after your feast, slow down and think about how you can attain happiness without buying more things. Try to focus on your intrinsic goals rather than your extrinsic goals. That’s where you will find the true source of happiness and contentment.
Yikes – black Friday is certainly excessive and dangerous for over-consumption. We don’t have the same black Friday as you do in the States here in Canada, but we have boxing day, which is similar.
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Interesting. I just looked it up and see that it’s the day after Christmas. So everybody goes shopping after Christmas?
I agree shopping for the latest things only keeps you happy for a little while. People soon become thankless for their possessions and look for more. And when it comes to such super discount days, retailers are trying to leverage everyone’s weakness – very few people can resist a discount.
fehmeen recently posted…5 Tips To Save Money Before Your Vacation Begins
Yes, it is very hard to resist a good discount!
I am a huge Palahniuk fan, nice to see a quote from Lullaby here. And regarding Black Friday, I completely agree with you. We managed to stay away from the sales this year (in Romania, “Black Friday” was one week earlier compared to the US) but I was shocked to see and hear about people taking loans to buy stuff this Friday – stuff that certainly they didn’t really need.
C. the Romanian recently posted…Save During Black Friday: Buy Needs, Not Wants
Yea, I actually didn’t know of Palahniuk but it appears a lot his writing has consumerism themes in them. I’ll have to check out his work. Very interesting that they have something similar in Romania.
I really enjoyed this post, Andrew. But the quadrant at the end of the post gave me serious pause for thought, especially noting where financial success landed on the graph. It’s to the left of hedonism! There’s probably another post in there for you.
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Thanks. “Financial success” is a bit of a vague term or I guess it could have a different meaning depending on the context. I’ll have to read more about Kasser’s research.
I like the idea of intrinsic vs. extrinsic goals. It’s similar to what I’ve been trying to do recently which is focus on the process rather than the outcome. I think the more we can focus on improving ourselves from the inside the better off we’ll be.
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Yes, I notice the similarities, especially in your post about car buying.
“Excessive consumerism is like a drug.” SO true, Andrew. I personally stay far away from the stores on Black Friday, simply because I don’t want to deal with the temptation. I know I’ll make much wiser choices if I shop from home, sticking to my list and to my budget.
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Good job on choosing to stick to your list and budget. Those deals can be really tempting.
I think we do live in a culture that is over-indulged in consumerism. The thing that really gets me is how we focus so much on consumerism but we actually seem to be producing less here in the United States. There is nothing wrong with consuming, but oftentimes our consumption isn’t in line with what we are producing or our financial situation.
DC @ Young Adult Money recently posted…Four Reasons Why I Love Southwest Airlines
Absolutely agree. Nothing wrong with it, but it’s a problem when it isn’t in line with our financial situation.
I fully agree as well. In the long run, our high level of consumption isn’t sustainable. We’ve only been lucky because China has been along for the ride. Now with China’s growing middle class that is turning to consumption, the US will have problems. The trade imbalance will force us to begin to produce more or suffer as a result!
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Yes, the high level of consumption combined with the low level of savings in this country is not sustainable.
I have to designate myself as the PF defender of Black Friday. It appears I’m the only fan and that’s okay!
Luckily, I do it more for the sport than anything else. One year, I don’t even think I bought anything. Just went out and looked at the deals and snickered at the frantic people yanking items off the shelves.
If you have specific Christmas presents that can be bought cheaper on Black Friday — then why not? Back before streaming was readily available I always purchased DVDs my sister or parents wanted on Black Friday. Saved a decent amount of money. These days, I shop for clothing about 3 or 4 times a year and Black Friday is usually one of those days. I have a list, a budget and stick to it. Granted, I didn’t spend most of my youth in America so these events are a novelty to me. If I was raised here I may feel differently.
I do understand why shopaholics and those digging out of debt may want to steer clear…
Broke Millennial recently posted…I Say Thanksgiving “Wrong”
Defender of Black Friday =) Actually, it just so happened that Black Friday is coming up and the thoughts of over-consumption and materialism springs to my mind. But I really have no problem with people shopping for Christmas presents or looking for a great deal on that day. It just seems so odd that one day we are grateful for the things we have and the next, we go on a shopping binge!
One thing I’ve noticed is that while over consumerism is a problem, it seems like the stuff we covet and buy aren’t even really for our own enjoyment. It’s done more so to impress others and keep up with the Joneses. When I talk with people and we examine some of their purchases, it’s fascinating to see upon reflection they don’t even quite remember why they bought something and don’t really seem to have any satisfaction from owning it. I like nice things and I’m not ashamed of that, but I also make sure the things that I spend my money on are things that truly matter to me.
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Thanks for sharing your experience. I do notice that all the fancy things that people covet and buy don’t generally bring much satisfaction in the end. It’s fine to like nice things and to buy them too, as long as you know what truly matters and that you don’t overspend.
I’ve actually only been Black Friday shopping one or two times and since my Dad roped me into working for him Friday I won’t be shopping this year either – I’ll be selling! I find that when I work on intrinsic goals I am much happier. I like challenging myself and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone and also making family goals. Personal growth and relationships are what life is all about!
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I hope you won’t have to wake up too early to work on Friday. I’m pretty sure you’re not missing out on much shopping. I agree that the intrinsic goals are way more satisfying.
The high you get from buying a new item is not worth hundreds of dollars. I remember being really happy when I got my iPad, and while I still use it and have no regrets, that “new item” feel wore off after maybe a week. I buy things when I determine I either need them or really want them (which means I still have to want it after months of contemplation). I tend to focus a lot more on intrinsic goals, I always want to find areas I can better myself in.
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I got my iPhone a year and a half ago (had a regular flip phone before that) and I use it all the time so sometimes it is worth it. I bought a google nexus tablet figuring it would be better since I’d have a bigger screen but I rarely use it. Fortunately I didn’t spend too much on it as it was deeply discounted when the new generation came out and I bought the 1st generation one. I’m like you in that I research and think about a purchase for a long time, so I usually buy something out of impulse.
Andrew,
My Black Friday rush is when I find certain stocks on sale. I get more excited about that than any material items at the store. Why buy crap at Walmart when you can buy the stock instead?
charles@gettingarichlife recently posted…What I Learned From Growing Up In Government Housing
True, why buy junk when you can buy assets?
I was at a mall today and literally the whole time I was thinking, I don’t NEED any of this. Sure, I’d LIKE some cute boots or a massager from Brookstone, but nothing was really worth my hard earned money.
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A lot of people have a hard time differentiating NEED vs Want! There are a lot of things that sound “cool” to have but really unnecessary!
Advertisements, especially about a sale such as Black Friday, really have a way of luring many consumers into believing that they can really get the best bargain during such times. Often, the consumers end up with unnecessary purchases and the merchants a lot richer.
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Oh yea, those advertisement and the deep discounts really tempt you to brave the crowds and go buy things you don’t really need.
I tend to have an addictive personality and can relate to that “high” feeling of shopping and wanting to acquire more for said high, no matter how fleeting. I’m grateful to have snapped out of that, and agree intrinsic goals are what matter more. Great post, Andrew, and Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!
anna recently posted…Getting My Glutton On! Oh, and Giving Thanks
Thanks. Great that you snapped out of it…a shopping addiction can be very bad for your wallet. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family as well!
Well put! I really like this post. It’s so easy to get sucked into consumerism this time of year. Human behaviour is really interesting. I wonder if happy people are just more inclined to set up intrinsic goals, rather than people who set up more intrinsic goals ended up happier. I find people’s moods tend to affect their shopping. I remember one girl I went to school with, told me she used to go to the salon to get a haircut when she was feeling depressed. In the same way, you see contestants on the Biggest Loser talk about eating to feed their emotions, not hunger, almost using food as a coping mechanism. And in the same vain, shopping feeds our minds. It’s that temporary high that many are after. Me? I think I’m going to try and avoid the crowds this year and shop mostly online. I’ve already started, this is where all the gift cards I’ve been given, come in handy 🙂
Anthony @ Thrifty Dad recently posted…‘Tis the season for online shopping
Thanks Anthony. You ask a very interesting question. Which came first…the chicken or the egg? Human behavior is very interesting and I do notice that shopping or eating is one way that people use to cope if they are feeling down. I think for most people, though, they can take a step back, reflect on all the good things they have, and focus on the truly important things in life like friends and family instead of shopping.
I just wrote a post on Black Friday as well. I think yours is better… It’s so amazing just to watch the people who are shopping. It’s like a zombie feeding frenzy (or at least how i envision that)
Wow, that is such a great compliment. Thank you! I just read your article and really enjoyed it as well. Thought the infographic was very interesting and eye-opening. I can see the parallels between black Friday shoppers and a zombie feeding frenzy!
No problem. Did you see the news about people getting in fist fights??
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Even worse, apparently one lady (and I used that term loosely) intended to spit on another lady…missed and hit the lady’s child. This was at a Walmart. Disgusting.
I’ve never been a big shopper on days like this and it’s extremely excessive that people get up at 3 am to get a deal. Some people even skip work, but then when you think about how much you’re giving up it’s insane.
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I agree…it’s pretty excessive waking up so early. I was sound asleep after eating a hefty Thanksgiving meal. What’s worse is seeing in the news of people pushing, fighting and arguing over things.
It amazes me that not 24 hours after giving thanks for everything they have, Americans will go out and trample anyone who gets between them and a $49 Stand Mixer.
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Haha…I know right!
I’ve always figured that as long as I focus on the intrinsic goals, I’m not going to worry too much about extrinsic status symbols. I need a new watch because mine broke. A friend recommended at $1,300 watch but I think I’ll go with a $60 watch since the brand doesn’t matter to me.
CashRebel recently posted…Stop the Black Friday madness!
Really! What can the $1,300 watch do that a $60 watch can’t? They both tell time. I also have a friend who spends a lot on watches. I guess it’s like wearing jewelry.
This year I did not even leave my house. Last year I just got two items I had put off buying to wait for black Friday and they were not the hot commodities that make people act like a Zombie apocalypse.
You really hit the nail on the head on this post. We want more as consumers thanks to those extrinsic goals. But I think we need to control our urges better. I love that AT&T commercial by the way.
Demaish@Borrowed Cents recently posted…How I survived college without student loans…until I cracked
Yea those AT&T commercials with the little kids are hilarious.
Great article Andrew!
I like saving money as much as the next guy (sometimes I am frugal to a fault) but the Black Friday circus has just gotten out of hand. People seem to cease to be decent human beings at times. I refuse to join the mob.
Michael | The Student Loan Sherpa recently posted…Thanksgiving vs. Black Friday
Thanks Michael! Jacob from Cash Cow made an apt comparison to the mob as zombies at a feeding! haha
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