credit: Alice Pasqual (Unsplash)
In the 2006 movie The Break-Up, there is a funny sequence where the Vince Vaughn character and the Jennifer Aniston character get into a huge fight. It’s pretty relatable for many couples who have dealt with similar circumstances.
So let me set the scene: After a dinner party with friends, Jennifer Aniston’s character (Brooke) wants to do the dishes. Vince Vaugh’s character (Gary) is playing Grand Theft Auto.
B: Well, I’m gonna go do the dishes.
G: Cool.
B: It’d be nice if you helped me.
G: No problem. A little bit later. I’m just gonna hit the streets here for a little bit (playing GTA).
B: Gary, come on, I don’t want to do them later. Let’s just do them now. It’ll take 15 minutes.
G: Honey, I am so exhausted. I just honestly want to relax for a little bit. If I could just sit here, let my food digest, and just try to enjoy the quiet for a little bit. Get some! Get some! Get some! (beating people with a club on GTA) That’s what happens. And we will…you know, we can clean the dishes tomorrow.
B: Gary, you know I don’t like waking up to a dirty kitchen.
G: Who cares?
B: I care! All right? I care! I busted my ass all day cleaning this house and then cooking that meal. And I worked today. It would be nice if you said thank you and helped me with the dishes.
G: Fine. I’ll help you do the damn dishes. (throwing his game controller down)
B: Oh, come on. You know what? No. See? That’s not what I want.
G: You just said that you want me to help you do the dishes.
B: I want you to want to do the dishes.
G: Why would I want to do dishes? Why?
B: See, that’s my whole point.
G: Let me see if I’m following this, okay? Are you telling me that you’re upset because I don’t have a strong desire to clean dishes?
B: No. I’m upset because you don’t have a strong desire to offer to do the dishes.
G: I just did.
B: After I asked you!
(Check out a clip of the scene here if you’re interested)
I’m a bit of a weirdo I guess because I really don’t mind doing dishes all that much and that’s with NO DISHWASHER! I’m no saint though because doing the dishes probably means I get out of doing some other chore I hate more!
Obviously no one really likes to do the dirty work, the grunt work, the menial tasks like washing the dishes. But it’s not really about doing dishes. It’s about sharing the household chores in a marriage and loving your spouse so you don’t want them to have to do these menial tasks all by themselves. Sure, everyone has those sweep-you-off-your-feet moments where you write a romantic poem for your wife. You bring her home fresh flowers when she’s feeling down. But no one really things of doing the menial tasks like washing dishes, cooking dinner or cleaning the bathroom as ROMANCE. These are thankless jobs. However, if you’re like me and your “love language” is “Acts of Service” then you probably feel loved when your spouse does these tasks so you don’t have to. Many people will profess their love for their significant other, but are they willing to do the little things to strengthen that relationship?
What does this have to do with Money?
Similar to the above example, a lot of people read exciting headlines about those who paid off a ton of debt in a short period of time, people who retired extremely early, or people who started a blog, making tons of money. A lot of people also make these their goals. Who wouldn’t want to attain these goals? But how many people want to do the dirty work to get there?
When it comes to paying off a ton of debt or saving up enough money to retire extremely early, you’ve got to save a lot of money. But who really wants to save? Who enjoys saving?
Who wants to cook their own meals rather than having something cook it for them?
Who wants to forego that Starbucks venti iced mocha latte?
Who gets joy out of watching their bank and investment account grow rather than spending your paycheck on new shoes or new iPhone X?
Who actually wants to set up a meeting with their spouse to discuss finances and to set up a budget?
When it comes to starting a business, who wants to sit down and actually do research on that industry and to write up a business plan?
For those aspiring money making bloggers, do you like learning about SEO and how to do stuff on Pinterest? (Oh boy, I don’t even know the proper terminology for that!?)
Once again, I am a weirdo, a financial weirdo, and so are some others in the personal finance world. We get great enjoyment pulling up our portfolio seeing how it has grown. Some people look forward to having a financial meeting with their spouse. Some even say that Budgets are Sexy!
That’s not the majority of the people though. Most people have these grand plans and goals, but how many follow through and actually put their plans into action. How many even take the first step towards that goal? It’s not a surprise that the majority of people’s New Year’s resolutions fail by February. Don’t tell me your grand plans and goals. Show me what you are doing right now to achieve them!
Behind every person who killed their debt, who achieved FIRE, or started a successful business is a trail of hard-work, discipline, and sacrifice. The goal is exciting and sexy, but the work that is required to get there, often is not. But if you truly want to attain that goal, you’ve got to do the unglamorous dirty work. If you are just all talk and no action, then don’t complain when you haven’t achieve those goals. Now go out there and start taking action. And don’t forget to help your spouse with the dishes!
What are your goals and what are you doing right now to achieve them?
My goals are to build wealth for the future, and help people. Right now, I’m maxing my IRA, contributing to the company match in my 401k, paying down my mortgage, and working on additional income streams in an effort to increase my income.
I’m glad you are supporting me – I want you to want me to save 🙂
Thanks for sharing – I remember that scene from the movie haha. I enjoyed it!
Erik recently posted…Using Education to Increase Income and Speed Up Time to Financial Independence
You’re doing a great job. I wish I did what you’re doing when I was your age.
“Don’t tell me your grand plans and goals. Show me what you are doing right now to achieve them!” So much word!!! I see it all the time in certain PF blogs too. I feel like I read the same thing every month and it’s all talk and no action. And IRL too! BTW that movie did portray and accurate picture of couples and I like that it didn’t end in the typical Hollywood fashion.
Tonya@Budget and the Beach recently posted…November Rewind: Gettin’ Dir-tay
I feel like I am a lot of talk and no action sometimes too! I thought the ending left it up to the audience to decide what happened. They bump into each other and that was the end.
First, I love that movie. I laugh hard every time when he’s playing video games (especially when he’s playing Madden.)
Get some!
Also, we’re big fans of the Love Languages and it was important for us to see that we gave and received in different languages: big turning point for us. Turns out all I have to do is give Mrs. Done by Forty backrubs while we watch tv sometimes, and she feels loved. Easy peasy!
But yes, it’s all work at some point. Also important that we’re doing the ‘right’ work though. I can clean the house until the cows come home, and that may be an act of love for ME who’s doing it, but my wife’s never going to see it quite that way.
As always, great stuff. And as a reminder….
NO QUITTING.
Done by Forty recently posted…PF Chat: Diversity in Personal Finance
Yea Vince Vaughn is pretty hilarious. Glad you’re a fan of the Love Languages…most guys are like what is that or why do you know that when I mention it! LOL.
Yea Vince Vaughn is pretty hilarious. Glad you’re a fan of the Love Languages…most guys are like what is that or why do you know that when I mention it! LOL.
“Behind every person who killed their debt, who achieved FIRE, or started a successful business is a trail of hard-work, discipline, and sacrifice. The goal is exciting and sexy, but the work that is required to get there, often is not. ”
Ironically, we were just talking about this same thing with a neighbor over the weekend in regards to physical health and care. Discipline is tough, but the payoffs are almost always worth it, and then you’ve created a habit of disciplining yourself so that it becomes easier after awhile. Great post, Andrew!!
Discipline is one of the most important characteristics that one can have. I have discipline is certain things (mainly financial) but unfortunately lack discipline in other areas of life!
Having a few financial goals is the best way to save money.
Our first BIG financial goal was to pay off our mortgage early. This goal provided a ton of motivation and helped us make a bunch of lifestyle changes. We didn’t just make a resolution to change our lifestyle, we did it with a bigger goal in mind, this make it super easy.
Owen @ PlanEasy recently posted…Attention Financial Voyeurs! See Our 2018 Family Budget
It’s always easier when you have motivation to achieve a goal. Having such a big goal like paying off a mortgage definitely gives you incentive to make those lifestyle changes.
“Who actually wants to set up a meeting with their spouse to discuss finances and to set up a budget?”
Ummmmm I do I do. That sounds like an awesome date night. Well, except for the time(s) that we have different ideas on what to put in that budget. Those times are called marriage compromises and are necessary but a little less fun than a “we are all on the same page” budget date night.
Jason@WinningPersonalFinance recently posted…What Will They Say at Your Funeral?
Haha, that’s great you guys enjoy doing that. While my wife and I aren’t big on budgeting, I think it would be helpful for us to meet more often to discuss spending and other financial issues.
Haha, that’s great you guys enjoy doing that. While my wife and I aren’t big on budgeting, I think it would be helpful for us to meet more often to discuss spending and other financial issues.