Tag Archives: career

Why Aren’t Nerds Popular?

credit: freedigitalphotos.net by stock images

credit: freedigitalphotos.net by stock images


Growing up with parents who focused on education, I did pretty well in school. I was proud of myself, my parents were proud and so were my teachers. Unfortunately, I remember vividly one time when my academic prowess was frowned upon. I started middle school which was in a different school with different students. A few months into the school year, my pre-algebra teacher announced that I received a score of 100 on three consecutive exams. I guess I should have been proud, but I didn’t really like the spotlight. Then I heard some classmates whisper, “nerd” and “geek” in the background. And when the teacher turned back to the blackboard, someone threw a crumpled up piece of paper at me. On the next test, I did something that I am not proud of. I succumbed to the pressure of my classmates and purposely got an answer wrong so I wouldn’t be teased. (It turned out I didn’t need to purposely get an answer wrong as I answered another question incorrectly anyway). There went my streak of 100s. I was disappointed that I didn’t score 100, but even more disappointed that I let others influence me negatively.

Even parents think it's okay to shame academic success

Even parents think it’s okay to shame academic success

You know the stereotype of the nerd or the geek. We see this all the time on television. The smart student wearing glasses who is a bit goofy and socially awkward. In a way, I feel like the movie Mean Girls, starring Lindsey Lohan explores many of the themes about whether intelligence is valued in our youth (Yes, I did enjoy the movie…please don’t judge me). Lohan’s character who was home-schooled in Africa does not understand the social dynamics of high school in the states. In the movie, it shows the “nerds” and “geeks” being relegated to 2nd class citizens and sit in a different part of the cafeteria. Lohan’s character is forced to join the mathletes as punishment which is seen as social suicide. She pretends to be dumb so that a guy she is attracted to would be interested in her. The popular kids are the ones who are more interested in their wardrobe and parties, the one’s who are superior athletes, rather than the ones who are academically successful.

“In a world where Paris bloody Hilton is seen as a role model to teenage girls, the incentive to study hard and be proud of your smarts gets drowned out in a sea of baby-voiced dreams to become the next American Idol. God forbid you open your mouth and be branded an elitist, Smarty McGee!” – Hortense Smith in an article entitled, Why Don’t We Value Intelligence Anymore?

Many people are saying that “nerds” are cool now, citing Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates as well as other tech innovators. They also mention shows like The Big Bang Theory. I think many people are fascinated by new tech gadgets, but I don’t think there’s any correlation with nerdiness being cool or an increase in the embrace of study and education. An interesting note which may only interest me: the character Leonard Hofstadter from Big Bang is named after Richard Hofstadter who wrote the Pulitzer Prize winning book, Anti-Intellectualism in America.

“I know a lot of people who were nerds in school, and they all tell the same story: there is a strong correlation between being smart and being a nerd, and an even stronger inverse correlation between being a nerd and being popular. Being smart seems to make you unpopular.” – Paul Graham, programmer, writer and investor.

Getting back to my experience growing up, when I told my mother that some kids were being teased at school, her conclusion was that the child must not be doing well in school which results in teasing. My mother grew up and went to school in China, and I remember looking at her thinking she had no idea what she was talking about. I thought that her conclusion could only be valid in some bizzaro world.

Recently, as I was talking to my wife who grew up and went to school in Honduras, she told me that she did not know of the concept of the “nerd” when she was in school. However, she went to private school growing up. When she came to the states to go to university, she said that she would raise her hand and participate in class, until she realized that most students did not participate, so she stopped participating to blend in with the crowd. I asked a friend who grew up in South Korea, and he was also not familiar with the “nerd” concept. He said that students were pretty intense about studying. According to him, there was a saying that if you wanted to pass, you slept 4 hours, and if you wanted to fail, you slept 5 hours.

Thinking that this “nerd” concept was local to those living in the U.S, I decided to ask some fellow bloggers who went to school outside of this country.

Sam from Financial Samurai, explained that it “goes on everywhere, including schools outside the US for sure. The cool thing to do is to blend in with the crowd, as it always is.”

Erin from Broke Millenial said:

There were of course kids who got teased in both of my international schools (Japan and China) but a lot of academic insults were tied into race. Getting a B was called an “Asian Fail” while getting a D or F was a “White Fail” in my schools. If someone said, “Ugh, I failed that test.” The response was generally, “Did you Asian Fail or White Fail?” I even had a teacher once tell my (IB) math class that it always seemed like the white kids were in this specific class because it was the lowest level of IB math.

I also went to very privileged, private schools which means everyone was smart and to not keep up academically was embarrassing and could get you expelled. I went to school #12 on that list but my school in China was actually more expensive, we just didn’t have a boarding school option.

With regard to the Asian Fail, I’ve never heard of it, but I think I may have experienced it. My mom was a bit of a “Tiger Mom” and while my non-Asian peers were applauded for getting a 95 on a test, my mom would ask me where the 5 points went! However, I don’t want to make this topic about Asian versus non-Asian education systems. While I do notice many Asian cultures put studying and schooling as a top priority, I find that the method of teaching is based on repetition and rote learning which sometimes stunts creativity. And my Korean co-worker’s experience where there is pressure to sleep less than 5 hours to continue studying is pretty extreme and I don’t think it’s healthy to put that much stress and pressure on students. Okay, sorry for going on a tangent! With the privileged private school aspect, I think that makes a difference. My wife also went to private school growing up and that may be why should was unfamiliar with the “nerd” concept. The high school I went to was considered an elite school and students were chosen based on their academic record. Studying hard and being smart was not frowned upon there.

C. from Romania Experience said,

The kids with good grades and who study a lot are often times picked on, called nerds and other names and are not allowed to hang out with the “cool” kids. What’s even worse in my opinion is that there’s a sort of a cult growing bigger and bigger about not studying and we have teenagers who brag about not reading a single book in their life, who barely pass the year and these are the guys everybody wants to hang out with. As a result of this and many other factors probably, the results to a simulation for the exam all high school kids in their final year must take (and pass) before even being allowed to apply for college were the worst in our history: just 42% managed to pass and most of them with very low grades.

Pauline from Reach Financial Independence said,

For me a nerd is not necessarily gifted, on the contrary, they will spend hours and hours studying to get good grads. In my class there was a group of guys that were always studying and had good grades, but often without studying much I got better grades, and no one picked on me for being nerdy because I didn’t study a lot. Anyway, yes sadly we bully students in European high schools as well for wanting to outperform. But in my school if you did well and made it look natural you didn’t get picked on.

It is sad that you have to make it look “natural” and that you can’t study a lot without being a target. Honestly, working hard and studying is more important in my opinion. Not everyone is naturally smart and can understand topics quickly, most students grasp the topic by spending a lot of time working on it.

How will kids gain necessary skills and become academically successful if it isn’t something that is valued by their peers? Why do you think nerds aren’t popular? It seems based on the experience of a few bloggers that I surveyed, this happens everywhere, but if you went to school in a different country, please share your experience on this topic.

Why Do You Live Where You Live?

NYC skyline
Living in New York City can be expensive . It also can be stressful, and according to a new survey, New York City is ranked the second most stressful city in America. (Washington D.C. is ranked number one). Here are the factors which were used to determine the most stressed cities:

•Commute time
•Unemployment
•High cost of living
•Crime per 100,000 residents
•Hours worked
•Population density
•Percentage of income spent on rent

The average amount of time New Yorkers spend commuting to work is 48 minutes. My commute averages an hour. Cost of living is pretty high here, that’s for sure, but crime is pretty low compared to many other big cities. I work a 9 to 5 jobs, but I know many people who work very long hours . Population density…oh it’s dense here in NYC, that is undeniable. Commuters are cramped into subway cars like sardines, there is always traffic, and people live in apartments which are the size of a living room in some other areas of the country. The high cost of housing is probably one of the biggest concerns of most New York City dwellers. The amount that goes towards rent eats up a significant portion of your paycheck.

So why live in so a stressful city?

Well, the results of a different survey will tell you why. While Washington D.C and New York City rank first and second, respectively as being the most stressful city, they also rank first and second, as the best city to find jobs, especially entry-level jobs for college grads. There are a lot of job opportunities in this city in various fields and industries. The city also offers many people with the right skills a high income potential.

But when people choose where to live, they don’t look at studies to see which city is the least stressed or which one has the most job opportunities. Here are the main factors that I think are the most significant when deciding where you’ll live:

Family
I think this one is it for me. I grew up in New York City and my friends and family live here. My wife’s parents also live here. It makes sense for us to stay here, even though, financially it sometimes feels like it doesn’t make sense. When you’re starting a family, it’s nice to have family nearby to help out. And as parents get older, it’s good that children are close by so they can help out too. Many retirees decide to move to a lower cost area, but looking into the future, I don’t think I could do that as I’d still like to be close to family and friends if possible.

Job/Career
This is another big factor when deciding where to live. You need to find a place that has jobs, especially jobs in your field. Sometimes, the job you have requires you to relocate.

Weather
Some people just can’t tolerate snowstorms and the cold weather. After this winter, I think I can understand. I’ve heard many people who say they plan on moving down to Florida permanently, or at least become snowbirds.

Check out the list of most stressed cities below.

The 10 Most Stressed Out Cities In America By Movoto Real Estate

So why do you live where you live? And are you happy where you’re living?

Are You (Financially) Better Off Than Your Parents?

american-dream

This is a follow up to my previous post Is This Still the Land of Opportunity? From the comments, the general consensus was that you can come from humble circumstances and do great things. All you need is to work hard, sacrifice, and maybe a little bit of luck. It shouldn’t matter where you came from but where you are going.

One way that many determine whether they’ve improved their lot in life is by comparing themselves to where their parents were. I think all parents want their children to be better off than they were. How would I answer this question? Absolutely, yes. My father immigrated here with a student visa and put himself through college by working at a restaurant. Unfortunately, times were different in the late 60’s and 70’s, and he also did not have a network of people guiding him in his career so he was not able to apply his degree to his career. He graduated with a chemistry degree from Seattle Pacific College (now Seattle Pacific University). He worked as a waiter, a real estate agent, and then a shopkeeper before retiring. As with most immigrant experiences, the fact that I was born here has made it much easier for me to improve my lot in life. But sometimes I wonder, if my children and later generations can continue that trend.

Many who have been here for generations have had different experiences. Adam who blogs at Stop Worrying About Money made a pretty insightful comment on my recent post Is This Still the Land of Opportunity? Here is what he said:

I think it’s definitely possible to move up the economic ladder in America. Hard, smart work will always provide positive results.

I also think you have to be realistic. The economic world is so incredibly different now than it was when my father started his career 40 years ago. Many of the entry-level jobs that would have been available to a 20-something back then have now been outsourced to other countries or replaced with robotics. I have a college degree, my father doesn’t — but so does almost every other 20-something looking for jobs right now, which puts me (and them) in a position of having thousands of dollars of debt right out of the gate, but faced with tons of similarly-credentialed competitors for a limited pool of jobs. At the same time, those jobs are slowly dismantling the benefits packages that my parents are accustomed to — fewer of my potential employers offer retirement plans or health benefits.

Despite all that, I can still move upwards. I just have to do it in a different way, by pursuing nontraditional income opportunities like online work, reprioritizing my goals (I’m 28 and I likely won’t buy a house for several more years — my parents had already purchased their first home by the time they were 22.), and staying aware of the fact that my economy is not my parents’ economy.

Some of the factors which have made it harder to be financially better off than our parents:

Jobs

Gone are the days where one works for the same employer for their entire life and receive a gold watch when they retire. Job stability is not what it used to be. Also, many of the manufacturing jobs that used to be here have now gone to other countries or made unnecessary due to technology as Adam mentioned. In addition, most jobs no longer offer the great benefits packages or pensions they once did, and are not as stable.

High Cost of Education

A high school degree is no longer enough to get jobs, even jobs which traditionally did not require anything more than a high school degree. A college degree was often not necessary for many career tracks, and for those that required a degree, it was not as problematic because tuition was much more affordable. Back when my father was attending Seattle Pacific College, it cost $400 per quarter. Yes, $400! That would barely cover textbook costs nowadays. For the 2013/2014 semester, Seattle Pacific University now charges $11,148 per quarter. That is a huge increase. During that time, the colleges in the City University of New York system were free. Yes, college was free.

Expensive Housing Costs

Buying a house is considered the American Dream. To many people, owning a house is a sign that they’ve made it. Back in our parent’s generation, housing was much more affordable. My father and grandfather bought a house together while they both worked as waiters in the NYC area. It would be almost impossible for someone with their income to afford to buy a house in this area now, with the high prices.

Even though I said that I am financially better off than my parents, I did have to take out a significant amount of student loans, and I am unable to purchase a house in this city, unlike my parents. We have to keep up with the changing times and try to find solutions to the obstacles of our generation.

Jobs aren’t as stable? Learn new skills. Find a side hustle. Be flexible in re-locating. And some may not agree, but maybe major in a field which is in demand. The internet has opened up a lot of opportunities to earn money as well as to gain knowledge which may lead to money making opportunities. Your job doesn’t offer a pension? Make your own. Higher education is expensive? Consider going to a community college for a few years before transferring to a bigger university. Look for scholarships and apply for financial aid. Work part-time while going to school. While this may be an oversimplification of the solutions available to the obstacles in this generation, it is much more productive to seek out possible solutions rather than to just complaint about the problems.

Are you financially better off than your parents? What do you think are the reasons why or why not?

How to Make a Great Speech

public speaking
Who am I to be writing tips about public speaking? I surely am not a ToastMaster champion nor do I have to speak in public for work. I did give a Best Man’s toast this past weekend in front of 300 people and many people I didn’t know came up to me throughout the wedding, telling me how great the speech was. “I’ve heard many speeches at weddings, and that was one of the best.” Wow, what an ego boost! I’ve also given a toast at another wedding, which also received similar acclaim. This surely does not qualify me as an expert, but I feel like I may have a different perspective than an expert. I am an introvert who is deathly afraid of public speaking, yet I did great. You don’t have to be a great public speaker to make a great speech. Public speaking is one of people’s biggest fears in life is public speaking…right next to DEATH…so hopefully I can share what I’ve learned and make others more at ease when it is time for them to speak in public.

Content:

It helps to have interesting material to work with. Whatever it is you are speaking about, you have to make it interesting and entertaining. But how?

Know Your Audience- What kind of speech is it? What do people want to hear about? Usually there is a general format as to what you will be saying. What would the audience like to learn? At a wedding, the audience wants to hear about the bride and groom. A best man and maid of honor should know them better than many of the guests, so share some insights into the two people. Don’t be afraid to use humor to break the ice with your audience. Of course, make sure that it is appropriate. Self-deprecating humor often works.

I attended a 9/11 Memorial for a fallen colleague who worked at the clean up site and developed a terminal illness as a result. The speeches given by most were very touching. One person spoke about the solemnity of a recent trip to the 9/11 memorial and then spoke about how the colleague was a hero, sharing stories about him as a person. Another person came to speak, and the speech was a rambling mess about terrorism. Clearly, the focus of her speech should have revolved around the passing of this hero. We did not need to be reminded about or lectured as to the barbarism of terrorism.

Structure- People generally don’t have a long attention span, so keep the speech short and simple. Have a clear structure that flows, which makes it easier to follow. Using the wedding toast example, I’ve heard many speeches where the speaker just tells a mish mash of personal stories about the bride and groom without an overall theme.

Tell a Story- Generally, when I hear people speak, I often find the narrative or story structure to be very engaging. People like to hear a story. They don’t want bullet points. Paint a picture with your words to illustrate your point. With the touching 9/11 memorial speech I heard, the speaker painted a picture of how the 9/11 memorial looks, describing the water cascading into an endless fountain and the names of the victims carved in bronze. He also related a story about visiting the fallen hero at the hospital and his bravery in the face of death.

Preparation:

A few people have said that they just “wing it” when they go up to speak. Well, that might work for some, but I’d probably freeze in front of a big group of people if I didn’t come prepared. After coming up with the content and structure of the speech, I practiced my speech during my car ride to and from work and in the shower. I also asked my wife to listen to it. It’s good to have a second opinion. Preparation helps reduce your fear of public speaking. I was nervous, but everyone gets nervous speaking in front of a lot of people. Even some experienced and seasoned speakers get a little nervous, but that’s okay. It’s normal. Just know that you’re well prepared, so don’t worry. Try to have your speech memorized or use note cards to refresh your memory. No one wants to hear you read from a sheet of paper.

During the Speech:

Act Confident- I didn’t say “Be Confident” because I hate that advice. How am I supposed to be confident? Do I flip a switch? You act confident by presenting yourself in a confident manner. Smile. Stand up straight. Scan the room. Speak up. The worst wedding speech I heard was from a terrified bridesmaid. It had nothing to do with the content of her speech. She was so terrified of public speaking that she started off saying how nervous she was (don’t do that), and she proceeded to speak so softly that no one could hear her. She also looked directly at the bride throughout her speech as if they were the only two in the conversation. I’m sure it was a very touching speech, but no one could hear it, and sadly some started talking amongst themselves.

Take it Slow- You need to pause briefly during certain parts to let your audience laugh or to let them ponder what was just said. It also allows you to breathe. Moreover, if you talk too fast and you are not enunciating your words, it can be difficult to understand what you’re saying.

Body Language- Use facial expressions. Use hand gestures.

Almost everyone will have to make a speech or presentation in their lifetime. Actually, being able to speak and communicate effectively is one of the most important skills that one can have. I’ve considered joining Toastmasters International where you can practice public speaking in a no-pressure and supportive atmosphere.

What has your experience with public speaking been like? What tips would you give you someone who dreads speaking in public?