My friend asked me for advice when his daughter’s first birthday was coming up. He said that he wanted to tell people that he’d rather have cash rather than gifts since his daughter already had a ton of toys. He has a big family and they have showered her with enough toys. Plus, he lives in a small apartment and really doesn’t have space for it. He asked me whether it would be tacky or bad etiquette to ask for money instead. I told him that I wouldn’t have a problem giving a cash gift. However, I think there may be people who don’t feel the same way. In the end, he sent out an invitation saying that his daughter has been blessed with a lot of gifts and asked that guests just make a contribution to his daughter’s college fund.
I think my friend did a good job of avoiding the social faux pas of asking for cash, but I started wondering about it…why do cash gifts cause such awkwardness? One reason some may not like the idea of giving a cash gift is because it shows a lack of thought. I can understand that line of reasoning if you’re buying something for a close loved one. Although I do know a couple where the wife prefers a cash gift or gift card because her husband apparently always buys the “wrong” gift. A loved one may appreciate the thought you put into finding a gift and it also shows that you’re paying attention to his/her needs and desires. And yes, I do feel kind of special when someone gives a thoughtful gift. However, when it is not the case of showing that you’re “thoughtful,” wouldn’t it just be easier for both sides if you gave/received a cash gift.
Instead of giving cash, some people have resorted to cash equivalents like gift cards and prepaid credit cards. I’m not sure how “thoughtful” a gift card can be. I guess you thought of which store they shop at? But, how about prepaid credit cards, what thought does anyone put into that? According to a social etiquette expert online, “money is very personal and is not as easy to accept as say if he had given you gas cards or merely paying for meals,tickets,etc. when you are his guests.” The person writing to the etiquette expert said that a friend she was going on a trip to visit sent her a cash gift which made her feel awkward and thought that accepting the cash made her seem “desperate, greedy or ungrateful.”
On its face, it seems a bit illogical. What is the difference between giving someone a $50 Exxon Mobil gift card versus giving $50 in cash? The gift card is somehow less personal, but it restricts what the person can buy and where they can buy it. What if there’s no Exxon Mobil nearby? What if you prefer to go to a different gas station because it’s cheaper.
Some people decide to give a prepaid credit card instead so there is no restriction as to where it can be used. However, I really can’t stand most prepaid credit cards. There is often a fee, around $5, to use the card! Basically, you’re paying $55 to give someone $50! That’s ridiculous! Right? I also ran into a different issue once when I received a prepaid credit card for Secret Santa once. Of course, it was a gift and I was very grateful…but I used the gift card and threw it away because there was no balance left. However, when I returned the item I purchased with the card, I forgot to tell the cashier to give me store credit and she put it back on the card. The card that I had already thrown away! So basically, that money was lost. I feel bad for the person who gets to be my Secret Santa! What do you get someone who doesn’t want anything? I think as I get older, my Christmas list gets smaller and the things I really want for the holidays can’t be bought.
I definitely understanding getting a special gift for that special someone. I get it. Although there are times that I think cash gifts just makes more sense even though social etiquette tells us otherwise.
Sheldon from Big Bang had a hilarious take on gift giving in an episode where he was asked why he didn’t purchase a gift for his roommate and best friend:
“The entire institution of gift giving makes no sense. Let’s say that I go out and I spend fifty dollars on you, it’s a laborious activity, because I have to imagine what you need, whereas you know what you need. Now I can simplify things, just give you the fifty dollars directly and, you could give me fifty dollars on my birthday, and so on until one of us dies leaving the other one old and fifty dollars richer. And I ask you, is it worth it?”
What do you think about cash gifts? How about gift cards or prepaid cards?