Tag Archives: gift

What’s Wrong with Cash Gifts?

credit: freedigitalphotos.net by Master Isolated Images

credit: freedigitalphotos.net by Master Isolated Images

My friend asked me for advice when his daughter’s first birthday was coming up. He said that he wanted to tell people that he’d rather have cash rather than gifts since his daughter already had a ton of toys. He has a big family and they have showered her with enough toys. Plus, he lives in a small apartment and really doesn’t have space for it. He asked me whether it would be tacky or bad etiquette to ask for money instead. I told him that I wouldn’t have a problem giving a cash gift. However, I think there may be people who don’t feel the same way. In the end, he sent out an invitation saying that his daughter has been blessed with a lot of gifts and asked that guests just make a contribution to his daughter’s college fund.

I think my friend did a good job of avoiding the social faux pas of asking for cash, but I started wondering about it…why do cash gifts cause such awkwardness? One reason some may not like the idea of giving a cash gift is because it shows a lack of thought. I can understand that line of reasoning if you’re buying something for a close loved one. Although I do know a couple where the wife prefers a cash gift or gift card because her husband apparently always buys the “wrong” gift. A loved one may appreciate the thought you put into finding a gift and it also shows that you’re paying attention to his/her needs and desires. And yes, I do feel kind of special when someone gives a thoughtful gift. However, when it is not the case of showing that you’re “thoughtful,” wouldn’t it just be easier for both sides if you gave/received a cash gift.

Instead of giving cash, some people have resorted to cash equivalents like gift cards and prepaid credit cards. I’m not sure how “thoughtful” a gift card can be. I guess you thought of which store they shop at? But, how about prepaid credit cards, what thought does anyone put into that? According to a social etiquette expert online, “money is very personal and is not as easy to accept as say if he had given you gas cards or merely paying for meals,tickets,etc. when you are his guests.” The person writing to the etiquette expert said that a friend she was going on a trip to visit sent her a cash gift which made her feel awkward and thought that accepting the cash made her seem “desperate, greedy or ungrateful.”

On its face, it seems a bit illogical. What is the difference between giving someone a $50 Exxon Mobil gift card versus giving $50 in cash? The gift card is somehow less personal, but it restricts what the person can buy and where they can buy it. What if there’s no Exxon Mobil nearby? What if you prefer to go to a different gas station because it’s cheaper.

Some people decide to give a prepaid credit card instead so there is no restriction as to where it can be used. However, I really can’t stand most prepaid credit cards. There is often a fee, around $5, to use the card! Basically, you’re paying $55 to give someone $50! That’s ridiculous! Right? I also ran into a different issue once when I received a prepaid credit card for Secret Santa once. Of course, it was a gift and I was very grateful…but I used the gift card and threw it away because there was no balance left. However, when I returned the item I purchased with the card, I forgot to tell the cashier to give me store credit and she put it back on the card. The card that I had already thrown away! So basically, that money was lost. I feel bad for the person who gets to be my Secret Santa! What do you get someone who doesn’t want anything? I think as I get older, my Christmas list gets smaller and the things I really want for the holidays can’t be bought.

I definitely understanding getting a special gift for that special someone. I get it. Although there are times that I think cash gifts just makes more sense even though social etiquette tells us otherwise.

Sheldon from Big Bang had a hilarious take on gift giving in an episode where he was asked why he didn’t purchase a gift for his roommate and best friend:

“The entire institution of gift giving makes no sense. Let’s say that I go out and I spend fifty dollars on you, it’s a laborious activity, because I have to imagine what you need, whereas you know what you need. Now I can simplify things, just give you the fifty dollars directly and, you could give me fifty dollars on my birthday, and so on until one of us dies leaving the other one old and fifty dollars richer. And I ask you, is it worth it?”

What do you think about cash gifts? How about gift cards or prepaid cards?

What’s Your Gift Giving Policy?

credit: freedigitalphotos.net by Master Isolated Images

credit: freedigitalphotos.net by Master Isolated Images

When I was at the stage in my life where all my friends were getting married, the inevitable dilemma that came up was, “How much do I give?” Now that I’ve advanced to the next stage where most of my friends are married, I figured I didn’t have to worry about it anymore. I’m now in the stage where my friends are having babies. Getting gifts for babies/kids should be relatively easy. I can get them a toy or if the parents gave the option, contribute to the child’s college savings plan. But then a crazy thing happened. Kids’ birthday parties started to become an extravagant affair. I’ve been to a birthday party at the Sheraton (yes the Sheraton), where they not only had face-painting, a magician, and people dressed up as cartoon characters, but there was a DJ and a photographer (although the photographer may have been a friend). I will be attending a one-year old birthday party in a few weeks at a venue which I have been to before…FOR A WEDDING! Yes, the party will be at a catering hall where people throw lavish weddings. So once again, I’m starting to debate the question: How much do I give? Here are a few approaches that I’ve used or heard about:

Pay for Your Plate

What does this mean? You should ask the person hosting the party or contact the venue to calculate how much your plate costs. No, no, just kidding, don’t do that! The basic theory is that if you attend a wedding, or in my case, a birthday party at a more extravagant or expensive venue, you give more to “cover” your meal there. I don’t really like this rule, because why should I shell out the costs for your extravagant party. The party surely could have been held at a more affordable location. Right or wrong, I do feel a little more pressure to give a nicer gift when a party is held at a fancier venue. When I went to a wedding at a castle, I felt more of a social obligation to give a better gift compared to when I went to a wedding held at someone’s backyard.

Here’s an interesting story about a wedding gift spat where the newlyweds received a basket filled with snacks and candy. This is what the bride said in an e-mail to the guest regarding the gift:

‘I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future.’

Click here to read more about the story. The bride’s reaction is way out of line, but please don’t bring a basket filled with fluffy whip and sour patch kids as your gift at a wedding.

Reciprocity

After my wedding, my mom asked me to tally up the gifts that were given to me by our relatives. She wanted to know how much they gave so she could use it as future reference to give at the future weddings of those relatives’ children. A part of me sees validity in this approach, though it’s not always possible. When someone was generous in their gift at my wedding, I did feel somewhat obligated to return the favor and given them an equal value in their gift. Of course, other circumstances are taken into account. I mean sometimes people are very generous because they are well off and can afford to be generous. While I greatly appreciate that generosity, I may not be able to afford to return the generosity.

How Close Are We?

With this approach, you’ll give more to someone you are closer to. You’ll give more when you’re the maid of honor at the wedding of your best friend, versus a wedding of a second cousin twice removed where you’re sitting at the back. A friend once asked me how much he should give at a wedding where he was invited to as a “back-up” wedding guest. He felt that he had less of an obligation to give a nice gift since he was not on the original guest list.

Michael Scott on Gift Giving

How Much Can You Afford?

Everyone has different financial circumstances. You should just give what you are comfortable giving. For the most part, I think when you’re invited to an event, whether it’s a birthday or wedding, the person inviting you wants to share the joyous occasion with you. Even if you cannot afford a nice gift or a gift at all, your presence is what should be truly valued.

Gifts With No Strings Attached

A friend of mine once told me that when she gives a gift, she does so without any expectation of anything. She says that she would not feel bad if that person never reciprocated. The word “gift” is defined as “something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.” I’m probably overcomplicating gift giving. It should not be that complicated, right? My friend might be a bigger person than me though. I have no problem with giving gifts to others, and I honestly think that there isn’t any expectation. But, I’m not going to lie. I did feel a bit slighted when I received no wedding gift from someone who I gave a nice gift to (as we are close). And, yes, that person is in good financial shape. Yes, I can be a petty person sometimes. My wife will attest to that fact. I know that gift giving etiquette, especially wedding gifts seem to differ in different regions of the country as well as different cultures. So what’s your gift giving policy? What should I give at the fancy birthday party?